Reno's PJ Party
by Zeng Li
Summary: Rufus lends his log cabin to the Turks for the night, but nobody's getting any sleep with Reno causing all sorts of chaos.


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"Pajama Party"  
by: Zeng Li

"This is totally awesome!" Reno cheered upon entering the remote log cabin, letting his duffel bag thud to the floor behind him. The fire place was already lit, keeping the place warm. That is, until Reno decided to stand in the open front door with his bag blocking the walk space for everyone else to enter.

"Don't make Rufus regret loaning it to us for the night," said Tseng, kicking Reno's duffel bag aside so he and the other Turks could get inside.

"Time to choose bedrooms! C'mon, Rude! I'll race ya'!" Reno ran off down the hall way at top speed while Rude just gave him a blank stare, his feet taking no action what so ever.

"Tseng, does Rufus have a second cabin up here?" asked Elena. "I really don't feel like being subjected to Reno all night. Besides, perhaps you and I could use a little bit of…privacy…" She lightly ran a finger down his spine.

Tseng shivered slightly and stepped out of her reach. "We're only here because we can't be bothered with the ski resort atmosphere of the Icicle Inn. Besides, you know as well as I that if we stayed at the Icicle Inn, Reno would sneak out in the middle of the night to go snowboarding and probably break both his legs."

"Then perhaps I'll just put some tranquilizer in his tea," Elena said, pulling a vial out of her bag.

Rude didn't miss a beat and snatched it right out of her hand. "You will do no such thing," he said.

"Rude's right," said Tseng. "We need to all be ready to go at moment's notice, even if we're fast asleep. If I really wanted to be cruel, I'd stage a drill of that sort…but not this time."

"Pajama party!!" Reno yelled, stampeding out of a bedroom in his P.J.'s, running down the hall, and jumping into the den wildly, whapping Tseng in the head with a feather pillow while still in flight.

Tseng just barely stayed on his feet and caught hold of the pillow, yanking it out of Reno's hands. "Don't make me change my mind!"

"About what?" asked Reno, not aware of the recent discussion about the tranquilizer.

"We could just give him a snowboard and let him break both his legs…" Rude suggested.

"Rude, you know that I never get hurt when I'm having fun of my own choosing," Reno said. "Well, not usually. Or at least perhaps just once or twice…"

Rude silently picked up his bag and wandered down the hall to choose a bedroom for himself. Preferably one very far away from Reno's. The cabin, however, was not very large, so close sleeping quarters to Reno was inevitable. Reno reclaimed his pillow from Tseng and followed Rude down the hall.

Meanwhile, Elena reached into her bag again. "Champagne, my dear?" she asked enticingly, holding up a bottle of clear liquor.

"What do you guys think this is? A vacation? Quite honestly, we're just here to sleep."

"Yes, but we do have a few hours to play with. Why not make the most of them? Of course you and I could just go ahead and get things started now…"

Tseng shook his head. "Is that all you ever think about, Elena? You're worse than Reno."

As if on cue, Reno's feet came pounding back to the den with Rude in somewhat slow pursuit, the multitude of feathers adorning his shoulders making it apparent that Reno had whapped him up pretty good with the pillow. Reno was still clutching the pillow, now leaking feathers.

"Give it to me," Rude said stoically, holding out his hand.

Reno took shelter behind Elena. "You'll have to take it from me!"

Elena reached back into her bag hoping to find something to simmer Reno down with. Rude descended upon them and ripped the pillow out of Reno's hands. Reno plunged and arm into Elena's bag and pulled out a stuffed animal and ran off with it, laughing wildly.

"Hey!!" Elena whined. "Bring Kupo Mog back!!"

Reno watched her come his way and slammed his bedroom door shut just as she approached, his new hostage in hand.

"Give him back!" Elena pounded her fists on the door. "I swear, Reno! I'll break this door down!!"

"And afterwards, you'll be all alone trying to explain that to Rufus," came the voice from the other side.

"Open up!!" Elena's fists pounded the door again.

In the living room, Tseng rubbed his temples. "That's it. No more coffee after 3:00 for them."

"What's a pajama party?" asked Rude.

"What? You've never been to one?" asked Tseng. He looked into the blank stare from Rude. "I wouldn't suppose you have."

"Hey, this must be Rufus' bedroom!" said Reno, his voice a bit muffled from behind the door. "Ooh…nice undies, Mr. Pres'…"

Elena changed her tune in a sly attempt to get her way. "Ooh…let me see, let me see…" she raised her voice an octave with giddy interest hoping Reno would open the door to share his find.

"Hmm…I might just have to try them on…" Reno said enticingly again. "I think they're made of silk. Mmmm…. Maybe I shouldn't try them on, then, 'cuz I might just leave my mark in 'em…"

"I wanna see, I wanna see…!" Elena pouted, her ploy to get Kupo Mog back still at work, though mixing with a bit of genuine curiosity as well.

Reno cracked the door open slightly, his foot placed firmly behind it so to prevent Elena from trying anything. One of his eyes stared her down suspiciously, a hand behind her back.

Elena continued the fun, successfully blushing. "Rufie wears silkies?" she asked cutely.

"Yeah. You wanna see?"

Elena nodded. Reno opened the door a bit more, but before she could make her move, Reno ambushed her, pushing a pair of boxers over her head and slamming the door before she could react.

Elena pulled the underwear off her head quickly. "Eew! That's _gross_, Reno!! Who knows how many wet dreams little president boy had in those!"

"All the more you should like it!" came the reply.

"I still want Kupo Mog back!"

"Kupo Mog is staying with me tonight. He says he likes me better anyway."

Elena's fist rapped weakly on the door again.

"Don't be such a child, Elena. You can have Mr. Mog back tomorrow."

"Fine…" said Elena, walking away.

As she walked slowly back to the den, Reno quietly cracked the door open and watched her. After she rounded the corner, he tip-toed across the hall to another room, Kupo Mog in hand.

"Are you two quite finished?" asked Tseng, flipping through channels on the TV.

"No," Elena stated flatly, resuming her archaeological dig through her duffel bag. She must've had everything in there, as she pulled out a rope and returned to the culprit's door. She tightly fastened the rope around the doorknob to the room she'd last known Reno to be in and walked the rest of the length to the front door, fastening the other end to the front door knob.

Tseng looked over at her with mild interest. "What are you doing? If you anchor that there, we won't be able to open the front door."

"A small price to pay. Besides, we're all inside anyway, and no one outside can break in. So, you should be happy." Elena returned to the bedroom area of the cabin. "Take _that_, so-called Reno!" she sneered at the door.

She walked across the hall into the facing bedroom. She turned on the light and closed the door, beginning to undress, humming a girly tune. She took her time, as if clothing removal was a form of art. She twirled her white blouse and danced a few steps to the dresser.

In just her lacy bra, she plopped onto the bed and kicked one leg into the air, sending her shoe flying off her foot, nearly hitting the drapes next to a window, which she hadn't paid proper attention to. She kicked her other shoe off the same way and continued prancing around.

At one point, she pulled a mens' glamour magazine out of her bag and opened it to a page she was apparently very familiar with. She smooched the air a few times in the direction of the picture, cuddled the magazine and put it back down.

She flitted around for a few more minutes, gradually getting rid of day clothes and slipping into her nighty. She turned off the lights and tip toed over to the window, in the darkness, pushing aside the curtains. Her one hand ran into something soft. There was movement, and soon her wrist was caught in a vice-like grip. She squealed a death squeal, alerting Rude and Tseng in the den.

The two male Turks dodged the stupid rope crossing through the hallway and nearly broke the door down to get inside. Weapons drawn, Tseng turned on the light and saw Elena held captive by a red-haired monster behind the curtains. He and Rude lowered their weapons, much to Elena's fright.

The hand that gripped her loosened, and she got free, turning around quickly to face her assailant. Reno grinned back at her, still partially concealed by the curtains. Elena's face turned red.

"Reno!!" she roared. "Why aren't you in your bedroom!?"

Reno shrugged.

"I go through all the trouble of tying up the door knob so you can't open it, and you don't have the _common decency_ to be in there!!?" She was furious.

Reno just grinned and held up the stuffed animal. "Me and Kupo Mog saw everything."

Her face got even redder. "You are to go back into your bedroom this instant and _nail yourself in!!_"

Tseng walked in before things got even uglier and restrained her. "Reno, give Kupo Mog back and leave Elena alone. Elena, no more setting traps and locking people in their bedrooms."

Like two children with a father who had to intervene, Reno and Elena quietly parted and shut their lights off. Rude and Tseng went back out to the den to watch a bit more TV before going off to bed. Things were peacefully quiet for a while. However, the two Turks were ambushed by a newly formed alliance on their way off to bed.

"Pillow fight!" Elena announced, whapping Rude over his bald dome with a squishy pillow.

Reno swung his feather-stuffed weapon wildly as the corralled Tseng and Rude into another bedroom. The pillows on that bed suddenly became assault weapons as well. Tseng bopped Reno hard in the face with one, and Rude muscled his pillow through the air for a few good hits as well.

Being a jerk, Reno bent over, making his ass the perfect target. Even though Tseng knew it was what Reno wanted, he gave in and whacked the brat good and hard, the pillow making solid contact. The feathers continued to fly and insignificant objects on the nightstands continued to fall to the floor and break.

Soon they were all so worn out, they just dropped on the spot, all sleeping in the same bedroom, sprawled on various surfaces in disarray. More than one woke up sore in the morning.

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The End

There you have it, short and sweet. And funny. This fic was written on the spot, very spontaneous, by the request of my e-friend, Htress, to whom I give this fic as a gift. © 2002, written by Zeng Li. Final Fantasy characters are copyrighted material belonging to Squaresoft. A few lines and circumstances were borrowed from the British comedy series, The Young Ones.


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